Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
