dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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