Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
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