The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
