Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
and she was petting her beer can
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
