false alarm. still invincible.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
you will always have a special place in my vag
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Randomize
