i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
