I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
