We tried having a conversation with our noses.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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