I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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