last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
