garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
pop tarts are not kleenex
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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