I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
