Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
