I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
