I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
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