he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
