She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
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