If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
