Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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