nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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