i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
