I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Randomize
