Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
