i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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