is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
