On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Why can't burritos get me drunk
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
