fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
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