what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
