Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
