remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
