This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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