i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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