there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
