im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Randomize
