Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
