So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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