if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
