im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
