so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
