glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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