Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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