I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Randomize
