Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
