if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
