he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
