he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
