..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
