the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
