I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Did I show you my penis last night?
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Randomize
