Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
