i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
