We're facebook friends in real life
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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